Saturday, May 2, 2009

New Idea

The other day I finished an exam and met a friend for celebratory ice cream at the local sundae shop. We walked and talked and thought about foods and snacks and kitchen appliances. Then, we had an idea. The idea was born in the midst of the age old conversation about having a microwave that makes something instantly cold, and a discussion about novelty kitchen items.

Our mindshape? The New Wave Microwave.

Blenders, food processors, hand mixers, toasters, bagel slicers, rice cookers, vegetable peelers, can openers, measuring cups, etc. are all included in the recent movement of revamping appliances into kitschy and fashionable kitchen gadgets to appeal to the foodie, gastrosexual, hipster and young Hollywood mom crowds. But why has no one tapped into the resource of the microwave? They still look the same as they have for as long as I've been in the market for microwaves, and essentially still take on the same form as they did at their inception. A shapeless, chunky box with plain buttons, a standard beeping timer, and a digital clock/timer combo where the "popcorn" setting never works. Why not put some spice into that cooker?

The new wave microwave would be just what your left over lasagna needs to make your tastebuds dance one more time...and make you dance while it's getting warmed up! The new wave microwave would have a very interesting geometric shape that would still be conducive to your countertop space. It would be covered in that typical "new wave" spacey look with that dirty teal color and that bubblegum medicine pink serving as accent colors. When you push the buttons, they would sound like a "Speak and Spell" or an SK-1 Casio keyboard. But the best part of the microwave begins when you start cookin'. When you push that "start" button the new wave microwave starts pumpin' the jams while your meat is being pumped with electrical waves are pumped into your pecan crusted chicken breast. For 1 minute 35 seconds, you can rock out to the musical stylings of New Order, Flock of Seagulls, The Thompson Twins, The Fixx, The Psychadelic Furs, and all your favorite new wave bands. While the music's playing, your meal is spinning on a record turntable inside the new wave microwave. And, you know that light that comes on inside the microwave? Well, that light will actually be a black light that will reveal all of the grease graffitti, or a sort of strobe light/disco ball that will provide for a more dance floor friendly lighting alternative. And why should your food have all the fun? The new wave microwave will also include a fog machine that shoots out of the side vents so that it sets the right tone for you to boogie down.

I think this will be a revolutionary move in kitchens across the globe. No more standing around waiting for your food, or leaving the room to try and get something done while your meal is heating up only to be interrupted by that obnoxious beep, pulling you away from the project you just began. The New Wave Mircrowave. Look for it.

3 comments:

Carrie said...

if i am ever unfortunate enough to have to get married twice, it's good to know that i can at least look forward to adding the "new wave microwave" to my gift registry.

Maggie Paino said...

Well, if Tim doesn't shave that thing off his face, I think the fortunate move might be to remarry...

Colin said...

What about the Heads? I can just imagine my tantalizing celeste-pizza-for-one slowly revolving while David Byrne yelps his way through "Born Under Punches."

"Take a look at these hands! You don't have to mention it.
No thanks. I'm a Government Man.

"Goes on... and the heat goes on. Goes on, and the heat goes on."