A time to be studying, a time to spend your day answering absurd questions in order to find out if you are a drunk diva or a crunk chick

My summer break has officially started. As much as I yearned for this time since September when it last concluded, I wish that it weren't here. I'm afraid I got my Grandpa's disease where I feel like I have to constantly be doing something. I guess I don't know how to relax, or how to function as a relaxed human being. I mean, I'm pretty laid back in personality, but when it comes to activity & function, I need to be doing something constantly. Tuesday night after we played a show I realized that I had nothing to do the next day, since I had spent all of monday cleaning my apartment from base board to ceiling trim. I mapped out a master plan for wednesday, involving a day spent reading, at the park, possibly exercising, baking, lots of stuff. When I woke up the next morning the sky was almost the same hue as it was when I went to bed, but now it was shedding its spring coat all over the earth. No park. I had no idea what to do with myself. I decided that since I had all of this time inside, I should use it by doing something productive like spending time with myself and really focusing on me & trying to find the answer to the question, "who is Maggie Paino?" What would the answer be to that question on jeopardy? I wanted to know. So, I dedicated the next 4 hours of my life to self-reflection...via online quizzes. You know the ones; they clutter up myspace & facebook pages with their philosophies on how that individual portrays a caramel apple strudel because he/she is such a sweet person that people, but people can only handle in certain types of situations but when others do get a little taste of him/her, they're addicted for life. I started goofing around on this website during my finals because I just wanted to do anything but study, obviously. I took a quiz called "how much do you weigh?" Now, to me this just seemed like such a ridiculous quiz to take. How on earth can they tell me how much I weigh without either being an analog or digital scale, or a carny? I answered questions regarding how much fast food I eat & how often I exercise. My result--I weigh 160 pounds. 160 POUNDS. Then I took a quiz of equitable absurdity called "are you pregnant?" Is your period more than 3 weeks late? Are you a woman? Are you bloated? (I got kind of nervous when I had to answer yes to that one) Have you taken more than 2 pregnancy tests that all resulted in "positive"? Luckily, I'm not pregant. Phew.

So, in my 4 hours of blog quizzes, here's what I learned about myself:

I have good spelling
My eyes should be brown (luckily, they are)
I have quite good cell phone etiquette
If I were a sandwich I would be a grilled cheese (but I think I would go by the name "cheese toastie)
I'm 76% Good
My life is rated PG
People definitely like me
If I were a cheesecake, I would be a key lime cheesecake
The animal that I was in a past life was an otter
If I were a shade of green, I would be apple green
I'm from the plant Neptume
My 1996 themesong is "Ironic" by Alanis Morisette
If I were a punctuation mark I would be a Question Mark (and I get along best with the Comma)
I will keep my New Year's Resolution
My scent is "pumpkin pie"
I really know my state capitals (I think the quiz was a little disturbed by how good I was)
I'm not ruined by American Culture
I'm a bad date
Out of the most recent former presidents, I am most like George H.W. Bush
My celebrity boob twin is Paris Hilton

As I continued down my path of self-evaluation and enlightenment, I found that not only were there quizzes telling me who I am, but there were also quizzes that would tell me how to live my life, & answered all of the tough questions that I've been facing as I begin to "grow up." This was great! All I had to do was answer a few questions, and then they would tell me what I should do! Where should I live? What kind of car should I drive? What kind of dog should I get? What should I be when I grow up? What higher educational degree should I get? (it said I should get a j.d., so it looks like I'm on the right track) What shade of lipstick should I wear? What April Fool's prank should I play? What color should my blog background be? This was great!

Then, as I got about 3 hours 45 minutes into these quizzes, I started to wonder about their results. Like the quiz "how happy are you?" Was that honestly how happy I was? Or the fact that I should have brown eyes. Could they have made a mistake? I started to doubt everything I had learned about myself that afternoon. But then, in a glistening moment of serendipity, I stumbled upon another section of quizzes that I could take. "How happy are you, really?" "What color eyes should you have, really?" It's like they knew that I was questioning their authority on these topics! So, I'm really supposed to have blue eyes? I knew it! It's a good thing I took this second quiz to make sure!

One thing that I was thoroughly impressed with is the quiz creator's ability to come up with ways to make someone feel like they really were a powdered devil's food donut with star-shaped sprinkles. Not only that, but the fact that they can pull so many things out of an inanimate object & personify it to the point that an individual feels so empowered by the fact that they represent a certain type of shoe. Seriously, think about it. It's just a very admirable skill in my book.

There was one question I came across that I had quite a bit of trouble answering. I believe it was a part of the quiz "what is your theme song for 1996?" The question asked:
Which artists do you like the best?

A. Michelle Branch, Fefe Dobson, Kelly Clarkson
B. Counting Crows, Sarah McLachlan, Sting
C. Maroon 5, Good Charlotte, Alanis Morissette
D. Fountains Of Wayne, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Jewel
E. Tori Amos, Norah Jones, Indigo Girls
F. Nickelback, Dido, Coldplay
G. Red Hot Chili Peppers, Blink 182, Garbage
H. Christina Aguilera, Shakira, Nelly Furtado

What kind of groupings are those? Yeah Yeah Yeahs & Jewel? Nickelback & Coldplay? I would be quite perturbed if I were Coldplay & I was included in a group with Nickelback. Or Garbage & Blink 182?

So anyways, all in all, my summer break has started out successful. I've learned so much about who I am & what I should do with my life from here on out. I'm glad I got all that serious stuff out of the way so that I have plenty of time to have fun this summer.